RWBY: Into Shadows

The Grimm hordes ever encroach upon the kingdoms of Remnant, and it falls to academies such as Beacon to train the defenders of the realms.
 
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 Stygian Jaques O'lantern

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Poe_In_The_Shell

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PostSubject: Stygian Jaques O'lantern   Sat Apr 26, 2014 5:32 am

Character Info

Name: Stygian Jaques O’lantern
CHIBI STYGIAN:
 

Gender: Male

Race: Bat Faunus, ears and sharp teeth

Age: 19

Personality:
Stygian is exceptionally intrigued by the aspect of death and all things metaphysical. He finds the concept of death mysterious, and in his own words "well worth the wait". He loves the idea of magic, ghosts and whatnot, making him a charmingly whimsical character. He's flamboyant, very friendly, easy to get along with and much like his father he loves jokes, especially those about the dead. He enjoys frightening other people and playing pranks, he can be very light hearted, quirky, and mischievous, as well relaxed, carefree, serious, attentive and more. He loves making new friends and is very playful. He has a very complex mind, and is very intelligent but he doesn't show it. When it comes to rivals and bullies, he is a no nonsense kind of guy. he likes to commend people who look past his makeup because he feels as though, like himself, those who ignore his style and preferences bear no ill judgement. He doesn't share much of his parents personalities, meaning less intense and more relaxed. Stygian loves all things creepy, disturbing, twisted and morbid, although he usually speaks with a relaxed and soft tone, dark topics will tend to excite him and he will start to speak as his father does. When angered he will take on the bloodthirsty sadistic traits of his mother, while at the same time becoming exceptionally flamboyant. Overall Stygian is a natural leader and tends to take charge in tricky situations. He can be a little too friendly, but if one gets on his bad side, they will find themselves to be the target of his pranks, the butt of his jokes, and the main topic of his sarcasm.  

Appearance:
Stygian is 6'1 165 lbs, he's got an extremely athletic build and he has heterochromia meaning he has two different colored eyes, one purple one orange, he also has Bat ears. he has a very defined face, with sharp arched eyebrows, when he's in his uniform he's actually quite handsome, when he's not, he wears a lot white makeup and black eye shadow like a typical goth kid. He's got sharp elongated canines, and short messy hair, a sharp jawline and usually wears a sly grin on his face.


Representation:
He is the representation of the Grim Reaper

Color:  Black is the primary, Orange, and Purple

Semblance: glyphs

BEWM!:
A ranged explosive attack, A red glyph forms in front of M.B.P.G's mouth and a fire ball fan out from the center and converge onto the target creating a big explosion upon impact. However the target must be within 75 feet or it will not work. This Cannot target multiple people but Stygian can control it's direction with M.B.P.G. Alternatively he can use this to increase the cutting power of a single slash with the blade of his scythe three fold.

CRACKOW!:
A ranged electric attack. A purple glyph forms in front of M.B.P.G's mouth sending an electric bolt surging through the air towards the target this attack can be used to stun or for lethal electrocution. This attack has the most ranged of all reaching up to 200 yards but it only goes in one direction. Alternatively, he can use this to electrically charge the blade of his Scythe for a deadly attack.

RATATAT!!:
A ranged ice attack. A light blue glyph forms in front of M.B.P.G's mouth sending out a steady stream of ice shards to cut up the opponent. this attack is used to cause physical damage, and only reaches up to 50ft in distance, with a 3 foot spray diameter. Any farther and the ice just melts. Alternatively he could pound the base of his scythe on the ground to create a freezing shock wave that reaches a distance of 25 feet.

STOP!:
A defensive barrier glyph forms in front of M.B.P.G's mouth reaching up to 6 feet in diameter, however once active, Stygian cannot move until he cancels it, the barrier does not create a force field therefore he is still vulnerable from other directions.

The glyphs cannot be placed remotely. Although he may be inclined to learn more, Stygian is quite satisfied with his arsenal, and if all else fails, he'll be more than happy to use the dust to power up his scythe.


Emblem:
A smiling cracked skull on a crescent moon

Bio: Sty's life was far from average. His father is a hunter and a mortician, known as "le Faucheur". His mother, now deceased, was known as "la dame diable". His mother owned a grand total of 13 haunted houses and passed one of them down to her son thus how he makes his money. his father is also teaching him how to properly care for the bodies of the dead. On the rare occasion where his father has to kill someone, he will take the body afterwards and prepare it with Sty for funerals. Aside from taking an odd amount of joy in his job, Stygian's father loves jokes especially those of the dead, if you're able to make him laugh, you will automatically be in his good graces even if he needs to kill you. He will kill you with great pleasure and no ill will, Sty also shares this trait.
          His father tends to punctuate his words with sweeping gestures and creepy giggles, and spends a considerable deal of time inside of coffins to "test them out". He takes joy in frightening others, as he intentionally acts in a disconcerting manner to provoke a reaction. His father frequently refers to the deceased as his "guests," and it is his hobby to remove organs from his "guests" for research. His mother was also quite the odd one, she was an intensely sadistic woman with brutal, violent tendencies. She was highly intelligent, but could be easily distracted, and had a fierce and dangerous temper, a trait that she shares with her husband and son. Despite her cruel personality, she was not incapable of feeling affection for others and appeared to care a lot about her family.
         Both of Stygian's parents inspired him to become a hunter much like they were. Despite the fact they they are infamous for their recklessness and vulgarity, his parents were considered masters of their crafts. Other hunters of their generation will reluctantly admit that they are highly skilled. Stygian's mother died right in front of his eyes when she was on a job to hunt down a large pack of Beowolf that had ravaged a small village. She had cleared the creatures and was waiting for Sty to clean up the bloody mess, Since the job was over she wasn't paying any attention and stepped on a trap. As soon as she had mistakenly stepped on said  trap she looked at Sty. They both looked at each other with a perplexed look on their faces and his mother proceeded to say "Oh dear. This doesn't look good at all" before getting blown up right before his very eyes. A now bloodied Stygian, stared at the blast area covered in guts, blood and what remained of his mother, it took him a few seconds to process what had just happened and then he started cracking up as if it were the funniest joke in the world. He proceeded to collect the remains and contact his father to deliver the news... Needless to say that he too thought it was morbidly hilarious. His mother was then cremated and the funeral service proved to be extremely unorthodox as it was more like a congratulatory ceremony, praising her on reaching the end and finally being free from the shackles of the body. It was at that ceremony where Stygian began to work to take her place in the huntsman realm.

Equipment and Battle Info

Attire: He wears his father's old worn black trench coat, and his mother's old black and purple scarf over a striped black and orange ripped up t-shirt with baggy black cargo pants and a orange utility belt, And a pair of heavy duty combat boots with an orange stained steel tip.

Fighting style: Stygian uses Glyphs and his scythe as a last resort

Weapon Name: Mr. Boney Pants Guy

Weapon Range: 3 feet to 1500 yards depending on the glyph

Weapon type:Scythe/Staff

Weapon Description:A 6 foot scythe in the shape of a spine that runs down to a pole, with it's blade coming out of the top half of a skeleton that’s adorning the top, The entire blade of the scythe has two heavily serrated blades that alternate and act like a saw. The blade of the scythe can pivot into the spine and cover the blades to make it easier to carry around. Even in combat the blade is hardly ever out as Stygian uses the staff form to control his glyphs.

Weapon Abilities:
the skeleton is designed to utilize dust and act as a catalyst for the glyphs. The skull's face is pointed upwards with it's mouth open, he uses that end to focus, so that he can aim his glyphs as he see's fit. Stygian has named his Glyphs as sound effects to express their elemental capabilities, he refers to each glyph as a "spell and although he knows it's not necessary he likes to call out the names of these "spells" because it makes it look and sound "cooler".

Misc. Info
Voice claim and themesong, WARNING: Slightly NSFW

Family: his father, Le Faucheur and his mother Dame Diable (deceased)

Strengths and Weaknesses:
Strengths:
He's a very fit individual. Exceptionally skilled at free-running He's stronger than average, being able to lift a little over twice his bodyweight, however he doesn't rely on his physical abilities, intelligence and use of Glyphs are his specialty, he's got a good variety of elemental attacks at his disposal as well as an okay defense. he is skilled in using a Scythe as his weapon but this is only when he's in a tight pinch, otherwise he just uses it's primary form. He is able to take charge when needed, and he knows when he's in over his head. His ability to get along well with just about anyone is also a good strength for him as he enjoys working working with others, though he fares just as well on his own.  

Weaknesses:
he tends to be very reckless, he doesn't see collateral damage as a big deal, and when he gets excited he begins to display a complete disregard for the safety of others. He is also a big fan of taunting his opponents, often using sarcasm to make fun of them. He has been known to not take tasks seriously. When he gets excited in a fight his attention span decreases significantly, he'll begin to conversate with his opponent, leading to him having several monologues throughout the fight. When he gets into situations where he has to use his weapon he usually get so excited that he will completely disregard even his own safety and forget to defend at all, much like his mother, the intensity of violence will excite him so much so that he seems to be aroused by it. It is also possible for Stygian to develop a crush on someone just based on how vicious they are in a fight, as an example, he once thought he was falling in love with an upper class student at signal, who detested Stygian to the point of viciously insulting and physically abusing him whenever he got close, and still sty was obsessed with him for a long period of time. Socially he has little to no concept of personal space, and his choice of attire is far from accepted by social standards, his appearance alone is usually enough to make people want to keep their distance. Overall he severely lacks in his defensive capabilities as his only real defense is one of his glyphs. He's sensitive to loud noises, His lack of defense leaves him vulnerable on all sides except for the front, especially because he cannot Move when his glyphs are being used. Because of his use of glyphs in combat, his reaction time is somewhat sluggish, and finally, while he's certainly skilled with his scythe Stygian can't exactly defend himself in close combat therefore he is highly vulnerable to physical blows.


Last edited by Poe_In_The_Shell on Tue Apr 29, 2014 10:55 am; edited 9 times in total
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Alex Barkhorn
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PostSubject: Re: Stygian Jaques O'lantern   Sat Apr 26, 2014 8:27 pm

These were the issues I found from my first read through. Critiques are subject to change/addition.


  • There is very poor sentence structure, misuse of proper grammar and syntax, and loads of run-on sentences/comma splices. Please proofread your applications, as it mirrors your writing style while in-game.

  • I hope those wings in the picture are not also part of the character.

  • The Semblance is incredibly overpowered, and conflicts with your weapon abilities. Glyphs do not seem to be a weapon's ability in RWBY, seeing as they are stated to be Weiss' Semblance, but rather an ability channeled through the weapon. Weiss' weapon isn't making the Glyphs: Weiss is. She channels it through Myrtenaster. You're probably going to have to replace your Semblance with your glyphs. This shouldn't be too much of a problem, seeing as how your Semblance abilities were very, very overpowered and provided multiple advantages.

  • Again, after reading that bio, please work on your grammar.

  • Alright. Now, onto those Glyphs.

    "Bewm":Five fireballs is definitely overkill, especially with the amount of abilities he already has. I'd say move it down to one. If you're feeling ballsy, go 2, but it's still up to whoever looks it over for approval. 100 ft also seems like a stretch. I'd say possibly 50-75 feet, though I suspect you'll go for the latter.

    "Crackow": 1500 yards? No. Definitely no. That is an incredible length for the semblance. I'm not even sure cutting it in half would be good enough. Remember, he's still a student.

    "Ratatat": Again, 100 feet seems to be pushing it. Also, is this three foot diameter how wide the ice shards are? Because that also seems very overpowered. I suppose the ice blast is fine, should it be more disorienting than incapacitating.

    "Stop": ...I'm surprisingly okay with this. The only thing is, since barriers such as these often warrants for a lone semblance in itself, I would recommend making it a fair bit weaker considering Styigian seems to be much more offense oriented.

  • Concerning Strengths and weaknesses, it seems as if his strengths far outshine weaknesses rather than there being an equal balance. As I said, he seems very offense oriented, so perhaps he has defensive issues? I see you mentioned he tends to monologue and leave himself open, and that's a great, mildly believable weakness, but the others you list seem to be more social and emotional rather than something to affect him in battle.

________________
"This is where I will draw my line." - Renji Aoki

"Be proud of who you are." - Veronique "Vera" Milian, Leader of team VMLN

"Hey, young blood." - Ezekiel "Zeke" Akairo.

"Oso sugiru..." - Okiro Kuroki. of team ONYX

"Do not hurt my friends! Ya got that?!" - Xiang Fahy

"Smile!" - Rudil Blaus

I don't care what other people think of me.
I know what I am, and no whiny asshat with daddy issues can change that.

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Poe_In_The_Shell

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PostSubject: Re: Stygian Jaques O'lantern   Sun Apr 27, 2014 1:44 am

Wings were already discussed. no they are not part of the character, you can rest easy knowing that those character aesthetics are not a part of the character itself.

Sure, whatever, I'll work on it. although I wasn't aware that giving an enemy an enemy a 50% chance of gaining an advantage was considered overpowered.

I also wasn't aware that sending a bolt of electricity 1,500 yards is considered "too far". does that mean that A gun's range of accuracy has to be cut in half for students as well?

I get the fireball thing, I can fix that.

Why on earth a shard of ice would be thee feet in diameter is beyond me, however i could definitely go into more detail about how the attack would affect someone, considering that I myself would find the act of getting pelted by shards of ice roughly the size of a quarter in rapid succession more painful as opposed to disorienting.

I'm glad you're ok with the barrier, I myself am pretty ok with it... But i'll just make it the size of a dinner plate just in case someone complains that being able to hit a still target from any other direction besides the front is too strong.

Strengths and weaknesses? Yeah, i could use a few more.

Grammar, not something I care much for, though I suppose I could work on it.

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Alex Barkhorn
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PostSubject: Re: Stygian Jaques O'lantern   Mon Apr 28, 2014 4:55 am

I am only going to tell you this once.

Watch your attitude. I am only bringing up concerns that I have even discussed alongside another Administrator. I do not appreciate your sarcasm, or your tone, and if it continues, we might have a problem. I'd honestly rather avoid any problems.

Now that that has been settled, for one,

What was overpowered was that you had a semblance that had multiple abilities, combined with Glyphs. I appreciate your changing it to having Glyphs as your Semblance. Thank you.

Next, the reason I brought up the diameter of the ice was because it was unclear as to what that three foot diameter was. I suppose grammar seems to be something we should care for, eh?

No, we shall not cut down the average distance a firearm can fire because most standard-issue rifles barely reach that 1500 limit. And you also act as if it'll always hit it's target. A bolt of electricity would be rather hard to aim. Cut down the length a bit, and remember: Ya can't aim lightening.

I see "Bewm" was not edited to remove some of the projectiles. Wondering if you're still workin' on it or not. Seems to be the same with Strengths/Weaknesses.

Barrier is fine. But if you want to shrink it, hey. Be my guest.

Also, since you don't care much for grammar, allow me to show you part of our Rules, which I'm sure you must have read.

Wei Tzu wrote:
B. Posts are expected to detail character actions and interactions. Repeated one-liners and posts of low content quantity/quality will be considered an offense.

So that's a thing.

When the changes are made, let me know - sans attitude. Thank you.

________________
"This is where I will draw my line." - Renji Aoki

"Be proud of who you are." - Veronique "Vera" Milian, Leader of team VMLN

"Hey, young blood." - Ezekiel "Zeke" Akairo.

"Oso sugiru..." - Okiro Kuroki. of team ONYX

"Do not hurt my friends! Ya got that?!" - Xiang Fahy

"Smile!" - Rudil Blaus

I don't care what other people think of me.
I know what I am, and no whiny asshat with daddy issues can change that.

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PostSubject: Re: Stygian Jaques O'lantern   Mon Apr 28, 2014 6:11 pm

There.

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Stygian Jaques O'Lantern- My mother Got blown up right before my very eyes. I guess you could say she... went out with a BANG.
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Alex Barkhorn
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PostSubject: Re: Stygian Jaques O'lantern   Tue Apr 29, 2014 11:23 pm

Thank you.

Recommended.

________________
"This is where I will draw my line." - Renji Aoki

"Be proud of who you are." - Veronique "Vera" Milian, Leader of team VMLN

"Hey, young blood." - Ezekiel "Zeke" Akairo.

"Oso sugiru..." - Okiro Kuroki. of team ONYX

"Do not hurt my friends! Ya got that?!" - Xiang Fahy

"Smile!" - Rudil Blaus

I don't care what other people think of me.
I know what I am, and no whiny asshat with daddy issues can change that.

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PostSubject: Re: Stygian Jaques O'lantern   Fri May 02, 2014 6:33 am

Everything looks good to me. I think Alex did a good job of covering what needed to be changed.

ACCEPTED.

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